Thursday, May 5, 2011

Fast and Furious

Somehow the news media has been busy with other things and has let a major event slip right by with hardly any coverage. I am speaking of course about the release of the cinematic master piece "Fast Five" the fifth instalment of the Fast and Furious film franchise.

"Sure they got Bin Laden but at what cost?"

I was expecting this to be the main news topic for at least three weeks but it has hardly had any mention at all. From what I have read from the few sources that are reviewing this film such as and  New Republic Magazine, it is the best film of all time. Apparently it has a scene in which Vin Diesel punches some guy and then drives a car really fast and jumps over a train. There is also a nude scene featuring Kate Middleton, and  (spoiler alert) John F. Kennedy makes a guest appearance near the end and reveals to the audience exactly what happened that day in Dallas. I believe it has already been nominated for 7 Oscars including one for a new category which was added just this year for "most furious film."

I have also read that much like the Shaq Diesel in 1993, Vin Diesel is not slowing down anytime soon, it has already been announced that he has signed on to star in the next 15 sequel or "squeakquel" depending on how well the chipmunks crossover special which comes out in may of 2012 does.

I don't know all of the future films' details but I can pass along a few I have picked up. While the first film was entitled "The Fast and the Furious,"  and the fourth was called "Fast and Furious," and the latest instalment is entitled simply "Fast Five" the next film will continue this by shortening the title to "Fast and Fu." Vin Diesel will actually play two roles in this film the obviously not gay street racer and his lawyer John Lawyerstein.

"You want Nos? You can't handle the Nos!"

The franchnchise is going to take a pretty sevear turn near the eleventh film when it is set in a post apocalyptic future in which gasoline is so rare that cars now run on babies and Vin diesil has to steal them so that he can drive really fast and disobey traffic laws.

The 13th film might get a little odd because a major plot point in the film is Vin Diesel's head turning into a basketball.

And of course the final film in the franchise which will be entitled "f" will feature the return of Paul Walker and is going to be three hours of gay porn.

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