The Kentucky Derby

The Kentucky derby is coming up in a couple weeks and I have not missed one in like 12 years. I don't follow horse racing but for some reason I have to watch this one race. Perhaps it is the fact that I know virtually nothing about horse racing or maybe because the past few have been disappointing but I think this year they should change it up and make it a little more exciting. Here are some of my ideas:

1. If you can ride it you can race it. Horses have had the Kentucky Derby for 137 years and they are not even the fastest animal  it's like using mopeds in NASCAR. Let in a few jockeys on Cheetahs or Bears. or even better let some of the jockeys be bears.

The Internet officially has everything.

2. Add a new track. Running in a big oval is boring but if there were a few ramps or maybe a loop then there is not a person in America that wouldn't watch that. Who needs a big hat or a mint julep when you are watching animal after animal attempting to leap over a pit of snakes.

3. Landmines would be too easy and I like animals too much to subject them to that, I felt awful when they killed Barbaro a few years ago. However if you gave the crowd like paintball guns that would be pretty cool.  If they think they run fast when you whip them wait until you see how fast they can run while paintball are flying after them at half the speed of sound.

4. No jockeys - dog races figured this out years ago by using just a rabbit on a stick. I don't care if they make them remote controlled or just get a bigger rabbit on a stick but jockeys are pretty useless.

So close.

5. Weapons matches - maybe not during the Derby because that would be going to far but I totally think before or maybe after there could be some sort of trident and net vs sword and shield on horse back type situation. It is an idea whose time has come.