Tilikum

Tilikum the killer whale is set to start preforming at Sea World again, you might remember him from the story last year when it grabbed a trainer by her pony tail and killed her. To be honest I can't say I felt all that bad for the trainer when I heard about this story last year, I mean she was working with killer whales it was kind of expected. It would be like if someone told you they were going to climb Mt. Killclimberswithbigrocks and then you found out they died. I personally wouldn't work with something called a killer penguin let alone a whale - and it doesn't even need the name killer to keep me away, even if it was called a Banana Slug Whale I'm not climbing in that tank.
That being said Sea World has been talking about how there will be new safety regulations and this time there is nothing to worry about - but I know the damn things can jump like 500 ft if they really want.

Why put the climax of the film of the poster? It would be like a movie poster for the film "Se7en," showing Brad Pitt shooting Kevin Spacey in the Desert.

Killer Whales eat sharks and other whales, why would you think it was a good idea to try to get them to jump through a hoop for a salmon - if they want the salmon and are in a bad mood they are going to take the salmon - I am sure the last thing you want to have around a killer whale in a bad mood is the smell of salmon on you. I personally don't even trust dolphins that much. I remember one time swimming in Florida near Dayton Beach and being about chest high in waves when I looked out and saw a pod of dolphins swimming about 30 yards from me - I nearly crapped my pants (that is really my only defense against monsters just try to make myself as unappealing to eat as possible.)
Anyway, I like going to aquariums, but the bigger the fish the more glass I want between me and it. Killer whale and dolphin shows are ok as long as they use the proper placement of razor wire and guard towers. Even if Sea World takes all these precautions mistakes can happen - does no one remember the plot of Jaws 3D? Jaws eats everyone at Sea World, and I think it was because they smelled like salmon. How long until it can be rereleased with the tag - based on a true story:

Not the best Quality but certainly the best scene in the film. Amazing special effects!

For the ladies:

These are real voice mail messages, there was even a lawsuit after these were posted on the Internet and got a little heat; however it was dropped soon after. Anyway I wanted to share this with any girl out there looking to dump their guy and get back into the dating scene - this guy is still out there somewhere and if you are lucky you might be able to find him - he is a catch:

(This is one of the only guys in the world with less game then me.)

Stuff My Wife Eats: part 2

That's right I could write an entire blog just on this subject, but i think even though she has been good natured about this article so far putting that much dedication into it would make her pretty angry. Anyway, I have three items today that my wife eats which are completely disgusting. She claims that she likes them but I am pretty sure she just buys this stuff to mess with me. Most of this stuff comes from other countries because she is the only person in the united states that buys it. I have learned that if there is an item i find in the cabinet which uses the metric system I am avoiding it. The first item is at least made out of something I am familiar with although the last thing I would want to do is eat it.

Aloe Juice

It's like someone sneezed into a bottle.

On the bottle it actually says "Now with Crunchy pulp bits." Like that is a selling point. Also you can't tell from the picture but you can totally see the little bits of pulp floating in this stuff. It is unique because if you have a sun burn you have to decide if you are going to take it internally of externally. It's also perfect if you happen to have a sun burn on the inside of your stomach. I guess you are suppose to drink this stuff raw like apple juice but it has the viscosity of shampoo and taste like a house plant.



Coconut Milk

Fresh from the free.

I don't know how you milk a coconut but science has found a way. It smells like coconut and I guess you are suppose to cook with it or at least that's what my wife does with it. However unless you are frying some Almond Joys there is really no recipe I would be interested in that call for this stuff. There is an expiration date on the back that reads best if used before October 22, 2034 - which is awesome because they have it down to the exact day. I am pretty sure this stuff has no redeeming qualities, the can taste better then what's inside.

  

Edamame

 

Full of soy goodness

These are called Edamame which translated means "not really food." Even though they have the fancy name these are just soybeans still in the pod - sort of like a green bean but without all the taste and excitement. They are bland, and kind of remind me of boiled peanuts. You have to cook them for a long time and cover them in salt  to make them even slightly ok to eat. What I don't understand is how these can be so bad while soy sauce is so good, it's like the difference between tomatoes and ketcup. Soybeans are one of the  most versatile plants on the planet -  they are used to make everything from rubber substitutes and textiles to cosmetics and plastics - They can actually do all that stuff people claim hemp can do. Soybeans are like hemp's way more successfully younger brother. (While hemp is like 30 years old and still living in his parents basement selling dime bags to high school kids and listening to Judist Priest bootlegs, Soybeans are driving a Mercedes and the senior partner of a law firm.)  However, with all those uses someone thought "I know lets just pick them and eat them as is." What a waste.

Inventions

I like to consider myself a scientist, because I am constantly experimenting and trying to invent stuff. As of right now I have not sold any of my inventions - they are more in the idea stage right now but I thought i would take a few moments to share some of them.


The French Toaster

This sprays a layer of beaten egg on a piece of toast then heats it to a golden brown. there will also a pump handle for syrup access. I would like to have it make bacon or some form of sausage product but that's still under development. Pork is harder to work with then eggs.








The clog free toilet

The water toilet has been around for like 100 years and the garbage disposal has been around nearly as long, why has no one combined them to make the worlds first unclogable toilet - you can flush diapers, tampons and possibly small appliances.

The Burrito Taco

 

This one is a no brainer, picture several small burritos filling a giant taco shell. That's 12 pounds of Mexican bliss. I can picture this being the new Big Mac. Several chain restaurants across America which combine one great food item with another great food item. Like a bowl of spaghetti between two pizzas making a spaghetti pizza sandwich or a fish stuffed with french fries and then completely stuffed into a chicken.

City/State Nicknames

I have been thinking about city nicknames lately - New York gets some of the good ones "The Empire City,"  "The City That Never Sleeps," and for some reason "The Big Apple." I think one of the reasons that my little town of Joplin has not taken off and found the success of a city like Chicago or New York is that we don't have a good city nickname. Currently it's "Joplin: Now with an Applebee's." I would rather see something that speaks for our industries like abandoned video rental stores or Wal-Mart Supercenters.
"Joplin: Need a garden hose and bologna at 2 a.m. - we can do that." or "Joplin: No Late fees."

"There can be only one," Netflix.

It's not an isolated incident, the state's nickname sucks too - "the show me state," it sounds more like the slogan of strip club then a state nickname. I would like to change the nickname to something more fresh  and urban like "Joplin: Awwwww Yeah!" Maybe it could be a little more honest like Oklahoma's state motto, "Oklahoma is Ok." They aren't claiming to be great or even good, they are just ok. It's like saying "this place isn't Disneyland but it isn't the Gaza Strip either." I guess it could be worse i mean Iowa's State Motto is "corn." Still I wouldn't mind a nickname that made all the other states take notice and watch there backs like "Missouri: The what are you looking at state." or "Missouri: fuck off dicknose."

Nature Shows

I have seen this like four times today and I can't stop laughing at it. I wish all nature shows were like this.

End of the World

Apparently it is the end of the world, or at least that is what I have been hearing from the news and idiots over the past few days - my favorite is this email that has been going around the Internet telling people that if they add 9/11/2001 and 3/10/2011( the date of the Japan Earthquake) = 12/21/2012 (the end of the Mayan Calender)
Number one - the earthquake took place on 3/11/2011 which changes the numbers completely.
Number two - adding those numbers together gives you 12/21/4012, (numerology is stupid.)
Number three -  if the Mayans were so technologically advanced that they could calculate the end of the world why couldn't they invent some muskets and fight off the Europeans that killed them.

The Japan thing was bad and I feel horrible for those people but why do people need it to be more then that - like that it has to  be a sign from God or something. These numerology and Apocalypse watch people need perspective - as of this moment 6,539 deaths have been reported, and 10,259 missing  that's the official number (horrible, but hardly the end of days.)
These people casually ignore real tragedies that have been going on for years. Every year 15 MILLION children in the world die of hunger. During Wolrd War II, nearly every country on the planet was at war with one another and an estimated  11 MILLION people were killed during the holocaust. In Africa a child dies of Malaria every 45 seconds, the most recent number is that 1 Million children a year die from a disease that is treatable - Hell, my wife had Malaria and she is fine now - George Clooney has had it twice!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and he survived Batman Forever.

As for the method of the "Apocalypse," there is always an earthquake somewhere, most people want to think this one was special - it was so big and all - nope. On average the planet has at least one 9.0 earthquake a year - and in 2007 there were 4. It just so happened that this year it hit Japan - the earthquake that hit Haiti just last year was a 7.0 and it killed 92,000 people, that's more then 14 times the number of people killed in Japan. It could have been soooo much worse.

Nuclear fallout? Not really, I mean sure there could be a meltdown, unlike what the news is leading us to believe there has not been one. Now, if there was an actual meltdown there is no way it could ever - EVER!!! - be as bad as Chernobyl and even that is, for the most part, under control. Sure I mean you can't go to that area in Russia but half the planet was not inffected with radiation the way FOX news is trying to make us think could happen here.

Anyway, I hate that this happened to Japan and I am all for the help the US is giving them but these people that make this out to be a end of the world type thing and do this numerology crap really need perspective or should throw themselves off a bridge.

Footnote: The black death killed 125 million people, nearly  1/3 of the world population. In 1918, one year, nearly 40 million people were killed from the flu and we have been through two global wars in the last 100 years. Yet people are saying this is the end of the world.

 

Apperently I'm a Child

The other night my wife comes home from the store and has with her a shopping bag. She says she did something nice and got me a present. On the surface it was a really nice gesture, then I realized what was really happening.
I opened the shopping bag to find a pair of blue jeans. She asked me to try them on and I did. They were a perfect fit. I was kind of amazed because there is no way I could have bought her any article of clothing and have it fit - not that I don't pay attention but more because women's fashion sizing is completely insane. Men's clothing makes sense in that a pair of pants which are labeled 30X32 means the waist line is 30 inches and the length of the legs are 32 inches. Women's cloths change depending on the designer and the store in which you are shopping - there is no standard form of measurement. A size 3 could be a size 6 in another store and there is no reason they even call them size 3 or 6 in the first place, in fact it is not hard to find a dress which is a size 0 - which to me should mean it doesn't exist.

Anyway, the pants fit and she asked me to take them off, which I did of course. That's when she notified me that these are now my "good pants" which she will be hiding from me and I will only be allowed to wear on special occasions such as when we go out to dinner. Apparently all the pants that I own have oil stains or paint of them and she did not want these to end up the same way. I now see this as a challenge.

Birthday Wishes

My birthday is in a few weeks, so I am going to give a short list of things that I could use if anyone out there is thinking of a last minute birthday gift.
Stock options are good but gold bullion will work in a pinch. Of course the real gift is something that comes from the heart, like cash.

Considering the state of the economy I figure I should put a few options out there for those of you without the means to buy me the boat I deserve. So here are some ideas:

1. The Crucifixion of Jarith.

It reminds me that my childhood is dead.

This is a painting by Joseph Griffith which depicts the sad death of the goblin king from the film "The Labyrinth." It's dark but you can buy a print for only $20.  There are literally a hundred places I could hang this thing in my house.

2. The Beer Belly

Much like one of those backpacks that allows a hiker to continuously have water available this product allows alcoholics to smuggle beer into sporting events or nephews choir concerts without paying the high prices they charge for alcohol. They are available for $35.

3. White Castle Burger scented Candle

It is sort of a double edge sword because on one hand it smells like White Castle Burgers and on the other hand it taste like wax so I might have false hopes that burgers are in the house once it is lit. Unfortunately this was a limited edition product and has been sold out, however there are a few available in auction on EBay so the price will vary. I am pretty sure I am worth whatever they are asking though.

Dalia Lama

The Dalia Lama stepped down from power a few days ago, which is strange cause according to the Chinese he never was in power. I will admit that most of what I know about the Lama comes from Caddy Shack, but I was still sad to see him go.
Something that always struck me as odd about his Lama was that this is his14th reincarnation, and in all that time you would have to say the guy prefers to be Asian, to be more accurate Tibetan. So what if he won the Nobel Peace prize in 89 you can't come back as French guy or something just to change things up. Oh, or a bear. If I were the Lama I would totally come back as a bear, maybe with lazer eyes, that would end a Chinese occupation pretty damn quick. Then again why not just go for broke and come back as Robocop.

Your move oppressive Chinese.

If the Beastie Boys have taught me anything it's that you have to fight for your right to party. If they have taught me two things it is that Tibet should be free and I thought this Lama was going to make that happen.
I guess stepping down as supreme being will open up his schedule for other things like racquetball or writing fan fiction episodes of Star Trek. I really wish the guy would just drop out completely and start a Deep Purple cover band with a couple orthodox Jews. They could call themselves "Highway Star of David." (I know that was a stretch to get to that joke, but it made me laugh.)

Time Travel

 In honor of Daylight Savings I would like to take a second to talk about time travel. I have read enough theoretical physics books to understand that there are scientist that believe one day there could be a realistic non-Delorian way to travel in time. When you get deep into quantum mechanics and string theory most of the cooler theories are often explained though the existence of time traveling particles and a multi-dimensional universe. I tend to believe that if time travel is ever really discovered then someone would come back and tell us about it.

Then again if they came from the future we might take their dirt bikes away.

This video made the rounds awhile ago, but I didn't have a blog back then so I am going to post it now. It is a short clip from a film premiere in 1928 for Charlie Chaplin's film "The Circus." The woman in the video appears to be talking on a cellphone - like the video points out the first handheld walkie-talkie wasn't even invented until like 20 year after this was filmed.

I'm not saying I buy it, but then again I am a hard sell. I would be skeptical even if someone showed up right now from the future and told me that they had to stop me from writi . . . .

Dance Party Weekend!

It's Saturday and I just finished putting together the spare bedroom in my house, which is for now a computer room. This means one thing - I felt a powerful need to rock out to some "Spoon" and bust a move in my socks on the nice hard wood floor.

The problem with that is the door to this room is completely open to the sliding glass door on the porch and at the height of my funk fest I looked up and locked eyes with the postman.

His musk is used as currency in Argentina.

This might have been less embarrassing if I wasn't so horrible at dancing (or had self respect), but as soon as he saw me I jumped away from the door and his view, Making it as obvious as possible that I was embarrassed. I looked outside as he got in his little jeep and I could see him shaking his head - either he was laughing to himself or he was trying to forget the horrors he had just seen.

Racist Foods

If there is one thing I have learned while doing this blog it is that the audience likes two things: Food and Exposing Racists. This instalment should combine both of those things.

This morning when I went into the kitchen I noticed something very strange. Perhaps it was due to the phase of the moon or my strange sleeping schedule of late but for some reason my racism detector was going off the charts.
I grabbed a camera and snapped a few photos of the items I found in my own kitchen that are clearly racist, in fact I feel a little ashamed just showing them to everyone. Not that I won't eat them, shame can taste pretty good if it is cooked right.

No shocker here, Aunt Jemima is practically a racial slur for some people.  This one is a double whammy  because it's a bag of white corn meal - That's practically a metaphor for ethnic cleansing. This company has at least made some effort to get away from the racist vibe of their image over the years - here is what it originally looked like.

As much as I like pancakes and cornbread i could live without them If I had to but I could not live without eating Chinese food, particularly fried rice with oyster sauce.



Hopsing Oyster Sauce, as if the racist stereotype of a spokes model wasn't bad enough they are calling it Hopsing! Unless you are actually talking about the cook from "Bonanza," and you refer to someone of Asian descent as "Hopsing," you are a racist. This would be like putting a picture of John Popper from Blues Traveler on a mayonnaise jar and calling it "Honky Sauce." I am not saying I wouldn't buy it, but it wouldn't be a pretty offensive.

And for course this might be a stretch but I am pretty sure white people should be offend when they see the way they are represented by the Campfire Marshmallow company.

Glitter zombie

In 1991, I was 11 years old and the girl that sat in front of me in English class had one of those trapper keeper things with the Lisa Frank drawings on the cover. I don't know exactly what the drawing was but I remember there were puppies and rainbows, there might have been a unicorn but I can't be sure. I just know that it reminded me of something you would win on a carnival midway for tossing a quarter on a glass plate, right next to the stuffed Spuds Mckenzie dolls and painted Guns and Roses mirrors.

"Look, I popped like three balloons with these darts. I  at least deserve a more modern former spokes dog."

In any event, I remember this girl leaving the trapper keeper under her desk as she was leaving the classroom - as a gentleman I stopped her and handed her the folder. Giant mistake! It was covered in glitter, or as 11 year old girls call it " happy dust."

That day, and everyday since I have been finding little flecks of glitter in my cloths, hair, or randomly around the house. I was eleven at the time, five years before I would even get my drivers license and not a day goes by that I don't see one of those little shiny glitter fleck on my gearshift or dash.

I blame this nameless girl, because I learned from my mistakes and have avoided high to moderate glitter threat levels since that day. There are only two possible scenario which explain the presence of glitter.

Number one: My wife or possibly one of the pets has been secretly working as a stripper.

Or

Number two: Glitter is a hyper radioactive space mineral with the intelligence of a toddler and once someone is exposed to it they become carrier pod person forever. I was exposed to it by this girl and now I must wonder the Earth leaving glitter seeds in my wake.

I happen to believe the latter.

Carl Sagan

When I was about 11 or 12 years old I watched Carl Sagan's PBS miniseries "Cosmos" for the first time. Since then I have seen it nearly 20 times and read nearly everything the man ever wrote - even the fiction stuff like "Contact" which was made into a movie in 1997 starring an openly gay women and a closeted homosexual as love interests - the space travel through wormholes was more believable in this film then these two being in a relationship.

Awkward. Seriously just go for broke and cast Nathan Lane and Ellen Degeneres.

Anyway, long story short I love Carl Sagan. I don't think anyone else I have ever read has affected me as much as his work. He not only opened my eyes to science and astronomy but to philosophy and different ways of looking at the world.

In one of the chapters in the book Cosmo, which the miniseries is based, he talked about the formation of atoms inside of stars and how once those stars die those atoms are not destroyed, they become something else. He explained that every atom in our body, and all of those around us were once apart of stars and one day will be again. Sure maybe it's a little too Pink Floyd laser light show for some people - but the thing about Carl Sagan that I liked so much was that it was like "pot talk," only it was real and it made you look at the world around you in different ways.

So with that being said I thought I would post a video which someone else made online - I, of course, didn't make it, but i really liked it. Most of the film clips and audio used were actually taken from the PBS cosmos and someone out there had a lot of time on there hands.

Bottle Shock and Awe

If there is one thing I would like to be known for in my life it would be to save the planet, preferably from some sort of zombie apocalypse; however, until I have the chance to test myself against that scenario I have to settle for just being "green" and recycling.

He must be stopped.

A few days ago I noticed that the local grocery store had installed something that looked like a Pepsi vending machine, however on closer inspection it was some sort of recycle box robot - it has the basic touch screen display and two holes to place plastic bottle and aluminum cans. It also had some sort of card which is used to track the amount you recycle and give you some sort of points which you can redeem for something later on - not that I cared much about that part, I was just excited to see there was a place to drop off my plastic bottles.
Today I gathered all the plastic bottles I could find and grabbed the little plastic card and went to the store for my first chance to use this thing.
right off the bat I knew there were going to be problems, I touched the screen and it took like nine times before the machine recognized my card. Once it did it asked me a ton of questions - What is your zip code? What is your email address? What is your blood type? The machine knew what it was doing because it asked the easy question first, but it just went on forever and ever. My guess is to compile a shopper profile and spam my email address.
15 minutes later i was told to deposit my bottles, I put the first bottle in and the machine starts beeping at me - the screen says we do not recognize this bottle. In fact after further reading that machine only accepts Pepsi bottles - not coke, not sprite, no other p1 plastics  - Just 20 oz Pepsi Bottles!!!
So I looked around saw that no one was watching and crammed a trash bag full of some sort of Asian Ice Tea bottles into this machine. I also might have kicked the machine and said a few choice words about its mother.  Had I a gun at the time it's fake recycling days would have been over. In fact the only thing that kept me from throwing a rock into its brain is that I had just filled out about 12 pages of personal information before it told me it would take my bottles.
It was actually  an eye opening experience.  I jumped from being excited to do something nice for the planet to engulfed in pure rage at the idea of a giant soda company stealing my email address and refusing to help me recycle my bottles. So maybe the fact that I can't even recycle a few bottles at the store is a good indication that defending the world against zombie hordes is not for me. I guess if like a small group of bunnies take over or kittens enslave us all I could at least put up a fight.

Tree Rats

A problem that I didn't think about when I bought my house was that I would actually start to care about how the lawn looks to the neighbors.
I am not a vain person at all, when it comes to clothing I own the smallest amount I can possibly get away with - two pair of jeans and two pair of tennis shoes - I would cut it back to one pair each but I always seem to get one pair wet.
Most of the shirts I own come from the Salvation Army or have been gifts or garage sale finds. I think that if you tally up the total cost of my entire wardrobe it would come to about $3.88.  I don't drive a flashy car. The car I drive is so old  the owners manual is hand written and there are Roman numerals on the speedometer.
However, for some reason I have taken the time to hand clean the flower beds, trim back weeds and rake nearly ten lawn bags of leaves just so the little blades of grass get a nice healthy start this year. I guess that's not so bad, sort of a hobby kind of a thing - does it make me unhip? Sure, but I don't care.
That would be all well and fine, a Saturday afternoon weeding and clipping grass while wondering when exactly I turned into my father - but no - those damn squirrels had to start fucking with me.

I use to think they were cute, like bunnies playing in a meadow, possibly stopping to sniff a flower or twitch their tails. . . Not these sons of bitches. They wait until I plant things and then they dig up the roots, I find walnuts buried in my drive way, and I constantly hear the tiny little cloven hooves of squirrels running back and forth on my roof while I am trying to read a book.

They are evil little creatures, like rats, like furry little rat things with big pointy teeth. The city thought it would be a good idea to cut down my neighbors walnut tree which housed roughly the population of Argentina in squirrels. Now they have come to my house to eat all the bird seed in the feeders and nest in my maple tree.
Outside of the city limits this wouldn't be a problem, a few gunshots through the screen door and no more problem, but seeing as how I live like a block from he police station and they frown on gun fire, I am reduced to plot my revenge using alternative methods.

So far I have tied the dog up in the front yard near their home, they disappear for a little while but come back hungry. I have allowed the cat to track them however he sees them only as a passing curiosity. Raelynn will not let me poison them plus they are too smart for that - I think the only option I have left is to trick them at their own game - I am sending away for a jar of squirrel pheromones on the Internet which I will use to douse myself and hide in the tree making them think I am one of them. I will infiltrate their base and lower there defense shields. Once the shield is down a second group of fighters will fly into the super structure and fire photon torpedoes at the generators. . . .Actually I think that was the plot to return of the Jedi.

Maybe I am taking things a little too far, but they started it.

Stuff My Wife Eats: Part 1

I feel that by having a blog it is one of my duties to annoy my wife whenever possible. This is the reason I am going to attempt to have a regular segment that I know will piss her off called Stuff My Wife Eats.
This being the first, I will let you in on the fact that she is for the most part a vegetarian and lived for a number of years in Japan. It was there that she picked up the habit of eating what the rest of the civilized world would consider garbage - and not even in a fun way like they do in the south by eating pig knuckles - but in a "wow, that thing is green lets boil it," kind of way.
I don't understand some of the things that she eats and more often then not I might try the foods she eats just for the experience but I don't like them.

Pictured above is a toad melon, or at least that is what it should be called. The truth is I have no idea what it is called but the last thing I want to do when I look at it is eat it. It looks like a gremlin had sex with a turnip.

If I had to guess I would say it taste like an ashtray wrapped in basil and the only way to cook it is to stab it in the heart, boil it for three days and liquefy it in the blender.

These are a staple at our home and they are called Mochi Balls - I don't know what Mochi means in Japanese but judging by there taste in means week old donkey.
They are apparently made by pulverizing rice until it looks like powdered sugar making you think "oh, we have those little powder sugar doughnuts. Nope, just balls of smashed rice."  Everytime I see one of these it is another chance at disappointment.
If you look closely you can see the flavor of this bag in the corner - Milk. Milk and powdered rice? Imagine that taste in your mouth for a moment, now look that the photo of the yellow goo coming out of the middle of the ball in the photo. Gross. It looks like spoiled eggs. I have tasted this before, mainly because of the doughnut thing, and they taste like an armpit.

I don't know if it is false advertising or just a breakdown in the translation but this is not candy. Maybe you could call them crackers but even that is a stretch. It was like someone had the idea of taking the worst part of a hamburger bun and trying to make it into candy. They might make great DVD players but Japan is way behind America in nougat development. It doesn't even have sugar in it! American candy companies actually had to develop lines of sugar free candies and chocolates because the original stuff was so good it gave everyone diabetes. Try harder Japan.

Short Wave Radios in your Teeth

This post is just because I find it creepy and wanted to share - hopefully you have a computer with speakers because it is sort of a must with this post.
Anyway, sometime ago I was turned on to this thing called The Conet Project, which is really just a couple of people on the Internet trying to archive some radio signals they have found. Most of these signals have been around for decades and anyone with a shortwave radio can pick them up if they have enough patience - see no one  knows where they actually come from and the band on which they broadcast is constantly changing. Not to be some sort of "the government is out to get us," kind of guy but in this case it is pretty much a given that these are government run signals - whether they are coded spy signals that can not be traced or coordinating plans with the alien overloads is up to ones own interpretation but, at least from what I have read, it would be outside the price range of most individuals to put something like these together.
One of my favorites is called Cherry Ripe, it is one of the most stable and appears throughout Europe, also it is really creepy sounding -

The theory from most people seems to be this: These are a one way blind form of communication, meaning it is nearly impossible to trace who is listening. The numbers are some sort of coded information and the music is usually played in intervals between the numbers so that you would know when the numbers start and stop also it is easier to find a music tone on a short wave radio then it is to hear voices.

I don't know what they are, but there is this whole community of people that just track and try to figure out what the codes in these messages are. the problem is they are always changing and it sound like it would be to hard to figure them out so I never get into that sort of stuff - i just listen and think that around us all the time some weird radio wave is passing though our body - in most cases they have for our entire life and they sounds like this:

In Germany they call them us Shepherds. . .

I know this is the third post in one day, but this is also the first day I have posted in like two years so I wanted to let people know there was more then just sports or gross stories on this blog - it also catalogues the stupidity of the people I meet on a daily basis.
I just got back from walking my dog, he is a large dog - German Shepherd - which are classified as a worker breed meaning communist. In any event it is a high strung dog very territorial and can be pretty intimidating at times. I walk him on a choke chain and muzzle him just in case a squirrel or small child runs in front of his field of vision.
Don't get me wrong, he is not a mean dog, he just thinks anything that moves might taste like ice cream and wants to eat it.
Anyway, this kid was walking towards me talking to himself. As we passed he asked me if it was a real German Shepherd - which one look at this dog and it is obviously a German Shepherd.

 I answered yes but kept moving not to be rude, but the dog really wanted to smell this guy and he looked like he hadn't showered in two weeks so i knew it would take awhile.
This guy started mumbling again - this time not to himself but in the direction of the dog. I sort of just ignored it and kept moving, then he yelled out at me from half a block away, "That was German."
I am guessing he thought a German Shepherd would speak German and the tone of his voice seemed to imply that since the dog had not understood his broken German (at best) then I was lying to him about the breed of dog I have.
His logic made sense sort of - German Shephard, German language, but he is a dog - this guy didn't look or sound like he could actually speak German and more then likely had a rough time with English I doubt very seriously he knew more then a few phrases like "where is the bathroom," or "I was only following orders,"and expected the dog to have a firm enough grasp on the language that he would somehow answer him by pointing towards the nearest bathroom with his snout or somehow granting him amnesty in a small South American country.
Anyway, maybe I put more thought into then it needed.

Brigham Young or don't Brigham at all. . .

I heard a story about Brandon Davies, he is the student on the BYU basketball team which was dismissed for violating the schools honor code by having sex with his girlfriend. For those who don't follow college basketball or know anything about BYU it is a Morman University and for those who are not fimiliar with South Park the morman religion is pretty nutty at times - not that all religions aren't nutty from time to time.
Here is a link to the story if you are interested.

I am sort of conflicted about this story, on one hand he obviously choose BYU knowing that it was a Morman School  - meaning a violation of the honor policy would include things like drinking coffee, having premartial sex and killing geese with a hammer in the dinning hall. (however in BYU's defense the geese murder thing would be grounds for dismissal at most universities, with the obvious exception of Michigan State.)
On the other hand I think it is crazy for the school be be involved with this kids sex life. I know that if my college would have found out half of the sexual experiances that I had alone in the shower during my freshman year I would have been expelled, or given a metal (i went to a state school.)

I guess my point is this, chooseing to be a star athlete at a university which does not allow you to have premartial sex is like going to McDonald's and only smelling the chicken nuggets, at a certain point you need to realize you are only hurting yourself.

Cat Wax

Hello, this is the first blog I am posting on blogger, I litterally have years of posts on myspace but myspace turned into the dirt mall and no one goes there anymore so whats the point.
Anyway, for the first blog post I have a pretty gross story, as most of the directions of my post are sure to follow.
Last night I am at home, sitting on the floor next to the couch where my wife is laying down with our deaf cat, Marly Catlin, on her chest. I look over to see her scratching the cat's ear in such a way that he is tilting his head in enjoyment  as pets often do. This is when I notice her remove her finger from inside the cats ear and show me the smear of deaf cat ear wax on her finger tip. Of course her first reaction was to whin loudly "gross." Then immediatly stick her waxy finger in the cats face where he started licking it.
I nearly vomited up the tacos I had for dinner.