Birthday Wishes

My birthday is in a few weeks, so I am going to give a short list of things that I could use if anyone out there is thinking of a last minute birthday gift.
Stock options are good but gold bullion will work in a pinch. Of course the real gift is something that comes from the heart, like cash.

Considering the state of the economy I figure I should put a few options out there for those of you without the means to buy me the boat I deserve. So here are some ideas:

1. The Crucifixion of Jarith.

It reminds me that my childhood is dead.

This is a painting by Joseph Griffith which depicts the sad death of the goblin king from the film "The Labyrinth." It's dark but you can buy a print for only $20.  There are literally a hundred places I could hang this thing in my house.

2. The Beer Belly

Much like one of those backpacks that allows a hiker to continuously have water available this product allows alcoholics to smuggle beer into sporting events or nephews choir concerts without paying the high prices they charge for alcohol. They are available for $35.

3. White Castle Burger scented Candle

It is sort of a double edge sword because on one hand it smells like White Castle Burgers and on the other hand it taste like wax so I might have false hopes that burgers are in the house once it is lit. Unfortunately this was a limited edition product and has been sold out, however there are a few available in auction on EBay so the price will vary. I am pretty sure I am worth whatever they are asking though.