Glitter zombie

In 1991, I was 11 years old and the girl that sat in front of me in English class had one of those trapper keeper things with the Lisa Frank drawings on the cover. I don't know exactly what the drawing was but I remember there were puppies and rainbows, there might have been a unicorn but I can't be sure. I just know that it reminded me of something you would win on a carnival midway for tossing a quarter on a glass plate, right next to the stuffed Spuds Mckenzie dolls and painted Guns and Roses mirrors.

"Look, I popped like three balloons with these darts. I  at least deserve a more modern former spokes dog."

In any event, I remember this girl leaving the trapper keeper under her desk as she was leaving the classroom - as a gentleman I stopped her and handed her the folder. Giant mistake! It was covered in glitter, or as 11 year old girls call it " happy dust."

That day, and everyday since I have been finding little flecks of glitter in my cloths, hair, or randomly around the house. I was eleven at the time, five years before I would even get my drivers license and not a day goes by that I don't see one of those little shiny glitter fleck on my gearshift or dash.

I blame this nameless girl, because I learned from my mistakes and have avoided high to moderate glitter threat levels since that day. There are only two possible scenario which explain the presence of glitter.

Number one: My wife or possibly one of the pets has been secretly working as a stripper.

Or

Number two: Glitter is a hyper radioactive space mineral with the intelligence of a toddler and once someone is exposed to it they become carrier pod person forever. I was exposed to it by this girl and now I must wonder the Earth leaving glitter seeds in my wake.

I happen to believe the latter.