Stuff My Wife Eats: part 2

That's right I could write an entire blog just on this subject, but i think even though she has been good natured about this article so far putting that much dedication into it would make her pretty angry. Anyway, I have three items today that my wife eats which are completely disgusting. She claims that she likes them but I am pretty sure she just buys this stuff to mess with me. Most of this stuff comes from other countries because she is the only person in the united states that buys it. I have learned that if there is an item i find in the cabinet which uses the metric system I am avoiding it. The first item is at least made out of something I am familiar with although the last thing I would want to do is eat it.

Aloe Juice

It's like someone sneezed into a bottle.

On the bottle it actually says "Now with Crunchy pulp bits." Like that is a selling point. Also you can't tell from the picture but you can totally see the little bits of pulp floating in this stuff. It is unique because if you have a sun burn you have to decide if you are going to take it internally of externally. It's also perfect if you happen to have a sun burn on the inside of your stomach. I guess you are suppose to drink this stuff raw like apple juice but it has the viscosity of shampoo and taste like a house plant.



Coconut Milk

Fresh from the free.

I don't know how you milk a coconut but science has found a way. It smells like coconut and I guess you are suppose to cook with it or at least that's what my wife does with it. However unless you are frying some Almond Joys there is really no recipe I would be interested in that call for this stuff. There is an expiration date on the back that reads best if used before October 22, 2034 - which is awesome because they have it down to the exact day. I am pretty sure this stuff has no redeeming qualities, the can taste better then what's inside.

  

Edamame

 

Full of soy goodness

These are called Edamame which translated means "not really food." Even though they have the fancy name these are just soybeans still in the pod - sort of like a green bean but without all the taste and excitement. They are bland, and kind of remind me of boiled peanuts. You have to cook them for a long time and cover them in salt  to make them even slightly ok to eat. What I don't understand is how these can be so bad while soy sauce is so good, it's like the difference between tomatoes and ketcup. Soybeans are one of the  most versatile plants on the planet -  they are used to make everything from rubber substitutes and textiles to cosmetics and plastics - They can actually do all that stuff people claim hemp can do. Soybeans are like hemp's way more successfully younger brother. (While hemp is like 30 years old and still living in his parents basement selling dime bags to high school kids and listening to Judist Priest bootlegs, Soybeans are driving a Mercedes and the senior partner of a law firm.)  However, with all those uses someone thought "I know lets just pick them and eat them as is." What a waste.