Stuff My Wife Eats: Part 1

I feel that by having a blog it is one of my duties to annoy my wife whenever possible. This is the reason I am going to attempt to have a regular segment that I know will piss her off called Stuff My Wife Eats.
This being the first, I will let you in on the fact that she is for the most part a vegetarian and lived for a number of years in Japan. It was there that she picked up the habit of eating what the rest of the civilized world would consider garbage - and not even in a fun way like they do in the south by eating pig knuckles - but in a "wow, that thing is green lets boil it," kind of way.
I don't understand some of the things that she eats and more often then not I might try the foods she eats just for the experience but I don't like them.

Pictured above is a toad melon, or at least that is what it should be called. The truth is I have no idea what it is called but the last thing I want to do when I look at it is eat it. It looks like a gremlin had sex with a turnip.

If I had to guess I would say it taste like an ashtray wrapped in basil and the only way to cook it is to stab it in the heart, boil it for three days and liquefy it in the blender.

These are a staple at our home and they are called Mochi Balls - I don't know what Mochi means in Japanese but judging by there taste in means week old donkey.
They are apparently made by pulverizing rice until it looks like powdered sugar making you think "oh, we have those little powder sugar doughnuts. Nope, just balls of smashed rice."  Everytime I see one of these it is another chance at disappointment.
If you look closely you can see the flavor of this bag in the corner - Milk. Milk and powdered rice? Imagine that taste in your mouth for a moment, now look that the photo of the yellow goo coming out of the middle of the ball in the photo. Gross. It looks like spoiled eggs. I have tasted this before, mainly because of the doughnut thing, and they taste like an armpit.

I don't know if it is false advertising or just a breakdown in the translation but this is not candy. Maybe you could call them crackers but even that is a stretch. It was like someone had the idea of taking the worst part of a hamburger bun and trying to make it into candy. They might make great DVD players but Japan is way behind America in nougat development. It doesn't even have sugar in it! American candy companies actually had to develop lines of sugar free candies and chocolates because the original stuff was so good it gave everyone diabetes. Try harder Japan.